My Goals and Motivations, and Everything in Between

This is actually a sort of refelction paper for my General Psychology class, but I wanted to post it here as well.
It’s not very coherent, haha. I was cramming, darn it.

           Just as the book said, having such a fuzzy and nonspecific goal as “being successful” wouldn’t be too much of a help. I’m actually one of those who would simply aspire to be “successful” with no particular goal in mind. In fact, I honestly didn’t know what to do, and what I would want to do in the future, until this year started. For one thing, I don’t know what I’m good at, that is if I’m good at anything at all. Eventually, I decided to take writing seriously and shifted to Journalism, since it’s the sole thing I’ve enjoyed doing when I was in high school.

            Now, it has become apparent to me that being a competent and respected media practitioner would be my long-term goal. (That is, if we set aside my goals of getting very rich, touring the whole world, and having my own fairy tale, for the purpose of a more sensible discussion.) Everybody wanted to excel in an endeavor and be the best that they could possibly be. However, this doesn’t seem to be my case. Of course, I wanted to succeed for my own self-actualization. But since I’m not too properly individualistic, I’m probably thinking of pleasing first the people around me who, since I made it into the University, believed in my capabilities.  Now that I’ve learned that intrinsic motivation would be able to give a person more satisfaction as he achieves a goal, perhaps I could try focusing on my own self-determination when aspiring for and doing certain things.

            Just recently I thought of working my way up to be a writer for internationally-acclaimed publications, i.e. newspapers or magazines. But on second thinking, maybe it’s still too far off, and only having this goal in my mind wouldn’t make me accomplish the steps I have to take to get there. So, to achieve this, I’ve been always attempting to set realistic objectives, and my foremost goal for now is to do well and excel in my academics and deepen my understanding of the field. Even if I always find trouble setting priorities, I know I have to. Just like setting the annual New Year’s resolution, I decided to study first, before doing anything else. I also tried listing down the things I had to do for the week. Sometimes, I get them done, but more often, I still don’t. That is why I have to discipline myself more. My friends and I are almost always complaining about the heaviness of our school works. And probably, what keeps me from finishing what I have to do is time mismanagement. I always get tempted to do other things like watching an anime or reading manga, or going out occasionally with friends even if I have an exam or report the next day (or for short, peer pressure). And then there’s the Internet that keeps me “technostresssed.”

            For now, I wanted to get pleasing grades this semester, and get accustomed to my new college—new environment, new policies and way of doing things, new people. So far, I think the grades I’ve been getting are acceptable (I just have to settle the requirements, like papers, as the semester nears its end). My main concern now is actually more psychological in nature. I wanted to be able to remove, or at least lessen my shyness and feelings of inferiority because the college I’m in is the place where prolific and confident communicators are. Somehow, I don’t feel like I could satisfactorily be like them. I don’t know if I could call it paranoia, but this feeling of inferiority and total lack of confidence actually keeps me from being at-ease even with myself and the surroundings I work at.

            I once read somewhere that “Excellent things are as difficult as they are rare.” To help me realize these short-term and long-term goals, I know I have to work hard, stay focused, and sacrifice the things I would have enjoyed doing (or not doing). Together with my reliable planner, and consistent self-reminders, I may be able to prioritize what should be prioritized. Also, perhaps, I could condition myself to be more assured of my own abilities. An attempt to socialize and gain confidence from it would also probably be beneficial to building my self-esteem.. More importantly, the “expectations” my family and friends have for me could serve me better as motivation rather than as pressures and constant reminders of what they wanted me to be.

:)