- from 'The Phantom Tollbooth' [Norton Juster]
Ess pissed XD
Saturday, September 19, 2009My younger sister seems to be the firsthand victim of my irate disposition these past few weeks. I easily get mad and impatient. Perhaps, I was not really born a patient and calm person to begin with, but lately, it appears even to myself that I get angry irrationally.
It’s probably because I don’t have somebody or something to breathe out to these frustrations about university life. Everything—from exams to papers to reviews and deadlines—that I had to do, I had to do well, and quick. I keep assigning the tasks to do on particular days on my battered planner but somehow, I can’t get most of them done. And that causes me to panic and get tensed. I would then feel guilty because of the time I “wasted” or because I wasn’t able to give the task my best shot. Everything seems to be a blur, and so fast I doubt I could keep up. I would even end up surprised, during rare free moments I had, that I wasn’t able even just to get a haircut or trim my fingernails. Capping everything off are some of the professors demanding too much or are just plain irrational. Geez. I do wonder, whatever made me think I could ever emerge victorious from UP? XD
The lack of sleep and even lack of time for myself are making me so easily irritated that I sometimes vent it on my younger brother or sister. Yeah, it’s very wrong but I couldn’t help it—I would just flare up and dismiss them whenever I think they’re disturbing “the busy” me. This is probably striking since when I’m not in good mood, either gloomy or seethingly mad, I usually just keep quiet. I won’t talk until I get a good night’s sleep or cried it out silently. But maybe now’s different since, I dunno, the weight isn’t just emotional: it was more physical. Haha.
Meh. I just hope to get through all these hurdles at the end of this sem. I think I deserve at least a week of break without having to worry about waking up early to finish a paper or something…
